Like A Knife
by iheartsergeantsmith
Summary: My take on the breakdown of Ronnie Mitchell. This one's a bit different, so leave me a review if you can please! xx


Haven't written a story for EE for a while, so let me know what you think :) Oh, and this song, I think, fits Ronnie perfect. Listen while you read if you can, beautiful song.

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**Like A Knife**

_I did a lot, I know you'll say  
__I've got to get away  
_"_The world is not yours for the taking"  
__Is all you ever say_

So here it was; the breakdown of Ronnie Mitchell.

Her eyes flicked down, down to see him: Her first love, the man that fathered her child. He bent and gathered his belongings into his arms, the cold pavement beneath his fingertips. Joel wasn't a bad man, he was the innocent; he left his wife, his children for her. The woman who needed someone to love her despite all her problems. The woman who was cold, hard and distant. His sacrifice meant nothing to her; because finally she had realised that no matter how much he loved her, he couldn't bring her baby back. She was gone.

_'Cause if I watch you go  
__You'll see me wasting, you'll see me wasted away_

"Go!" she screamed, needing a cruel kind of closure. It had to be on her terms. She watched his eyes grow wide, apologetic, frightened. The same eyes as her baby. Danielle sprung forward in her mind, even though she begged not to see her. Now she was just a vague memory, the same as all those years ago. When she got her two hours and twenty three minutes with her baby. It was her precious baby, and then she was just torn- torn away from her arms. She became cold, frozen almost. Frozen forever at fourteen.

_'Cause today you walked out of my life  
__'Cause today your words felt like a knife  
__I'm not living this life_

But then he came; her prince. Her detective, with his cockney charms and sharp suits. The man, that despite everything, fought for her; saved her; kissed her; lived with her; proposed to her. But that was it, that was when it had ended. A love affair that would change nothing in the future, though it had changed everything in the past.

He had seemed so decided, firm. This man knew what he wanted, and would do whatever it took to get the prize. She fell in the deep end there, lost all grip on her frozen reality. Allowed herself to move on. For the few weeks here and there that they were together, her world melted like the first days of spring. Buds of happiness appeared in her world of snow.

_These streets are filled with memories  
__Both perfect and in pain  
__And all I want to do is love you  
__But I'm the only one to blame_

Her man had a daughter when she had first met him. A daughter he felt guilt over; it was his fault she was paralyzed. For every year she hadn't walked, Penny had gained in ego. She hated Ronnie, Ronnie hated her. It was a rocky relationship from the start, was never going to be civil, no matter how much her prince charming begged her to try at it. Forget his daughter; he was the first person she had told about hers.

"_'Cause all I really want is my little girl back!" _She had sobbed, turned to look at him, and the look in his eyes was concern, softness, love. That was what she needed.

"_Look, you can't hold onto Roxy forever."_ He had told her, but it wasn't Roxy, not her little sister. Her stupid, stupid sister. She desperately needed him to understand. This time he could tell it was serious. Ronnie Mitchell never cried. She never broke down, but this was just the beginning.

"_Not Roxy!" _she cried, sniffed and wiped her tears. He persisted, his voice low and soft. Comforting. She had loved that. Even though she was hurting, that voice, that concern, made it better.

"_I don't want Roxy to lose the baby, because I don't want her to go through what I went through."_ her voice broke, and a tear fell down her face, though she hastily wiped it away.

"_You lost a baby?"_ His famously expressive eyes sighed, they portrayed the emotion he felt but otherwise couldn't show. Her nod was enough. He knew he loved her, not the other woman. Not his brother's missus. And for a long time, his love was all she craved, all she needed. It was enough to pull her from the darkness, to pull her from the cold.

_But what do I know if you're leaving  
__All you did was stop the bleeding  
__But these scars will stay forever  
__These scars will stay forever_

It had been easy when no-one knew. Only her and her prince. Secretly hitting trouble alone, but together. Behind the back of the square. He had loved her then – hell, he still loved her now.

Snow queen's sister: Roxanne. Perfect, lovely Roxanne. She had always had it easy. People to love her, able to love in return. She could keep it simple; a quick fling here and there. And that was what the older sister envied more than anything. It was her that rumbled the affair in the first place. A phone call and a wave, that was all it took. A joke.

_Stay with me  
__Or watch me bleed  
__I need you just to breathe_

And that, that was all before having to re-live her daughter's death. Not only did she grieve once, when her father wound the first web of destruction in her life, but she had to live with the reality that she had caused her death. Ronnie Mitchell, had killed her daughter. The look of relief on her baby's face when she turned and realised that her mother knew. The flash of recognition. A true smile. She began to run, to run to her mother; into her arms. But she never quite reached.

Time and time again, Ronnie woke in a sweat, shaking.  
She remembered turning her baby's face when she lay on the cold, hard concrete of the road. She learned that day, from her daughter, her retiring angel, that you don't have to be awake to cry.

_'Cause today you walked out of my life  
__'Cause today your words felt like a knife  
__I'm not living this life_

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What do you think? xxx


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